You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
