My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
pray to the hookup gods
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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