If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
