hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
