No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
