Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
