I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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