Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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