Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
