i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Terrible idea I love it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
