tell your sister to shave her snatch
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
