I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
