she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
