I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
