quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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