who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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