I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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