WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
