i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
