lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
