While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
