I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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