Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
