we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
