talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
