if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
