and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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