Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize