so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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