If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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