She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
