So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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