no one should ever give us hovercrafts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
