1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
