You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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