is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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