He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
