and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
