Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
