my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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