I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
