So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
