So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
