just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
