Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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