That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
