3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
