Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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