Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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