stop calling my apartment porn island.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
