I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
