he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
false alarm. still invincible.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
