i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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