I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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