PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
