Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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