This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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