I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
