then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
