Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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