Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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