My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
