areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
