i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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