I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
