I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just sent this text using only my big toe
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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