I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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