I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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