Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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