dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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