Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
