I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
