I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
