If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
