You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
