They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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