I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
