Can i not drive my cunt home
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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