its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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