You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
