I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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